nighttime…

shadows…

the moon peeks out from behind the clouds giving some visibility,

a figure appears between the houses, running… hiding… evading…

stop!

the figure stops, confused, defiant

a female voice rings out,

“who the f*ck are you?”

police, and you’re under arrest, turn around put your hands behind your back.

in a moment of lucidty, she steps into the moonlight, hair disheveled, knees scraped, face smudged, bits of dried grass clinging to her red shirt

the cuffs go on

::click::  ::click::   goes the handcuffs, the sound sobers her up to know that shes going to jail

the fight is on,

pulling, tugging, twisting trying to get away, nothings working

and then….

.

.

.

.

she turns to kick me in the balls

…….

-a night from phase 3-

.

.

tomorrow, i start ghost phase, the last one, before im on my own, free to drive where i want, free to listen to what i want, free to do what i want.

i go back to days for the next two weeks before being assigned my place as per the needs of the department…

and lately ive been seeing more and more disturbances between husband/wife

oh and the odd shooting at walmarts..you know…normal stuff

but when i answer these calls…

i see two people no longer in love,  but instead reduced to petty selfish crude children who want to do nothing but see the other one suffer

theyre getting a divorce or about to file one

they fight over the kids, the house, the car, the furniture, the dog. and not necessarily in that order o.O

the name calling, the snide remarks, its pretty frustrating to have to deal with two children in front of you

hiding the car keys, hiding the cell phones, canceling phone service, cutting off credit cards, locking each other out of the house, the list goes on,

so what does this mean? weren’t that happy together at some point in their life? they had to have been right? they got married, isnt that the ultimate form of showing ones affection, pledging to be together for the rest of their lives, for better or for worse…

nothing would be able to solve their problems, it just happened to boil over that night, and i was called, 

and they expect me to fix a problem years in the making…

oh well what can you do…

just be sure the person you want to be with, you can handle the bad times too…

its never going to be always perfect, but at least people should have a strong enough relationship to endure the toughest times…the are exceptions of course, things that justify separating, but little things, have to get over them….

naturally im not a counselor, just that guy that shows up when you dial three numbers…

time for bed, got a busy day tomorrow,

that drunk chick? she missed…i took her down to the ground…she went to jail and i got to go home….

the end

i move on to phase three as of today, i like to say that i passed phase two with flying colors, getting the go ahead to move on with my trainers blessing, but I see that i still have many things to improve upon. While many are content to accept things the way they are, I think that I constantly strive to improve myself so i can do better, and be better at what i do.

I see this quality in many of my close friends and that also inspires me to achieve more of myself. I think the company you keep is a reflection of who you are as a person, and that reflects well for me. Or as they say in the streets… ‘Real Recognize Real”…

while many assume improving yourself to mean the generic definition of getting more education, scholastic-wise, i take a more broader term of not being satisfied with what you have.  

improving athleticism and health: from tennis matches, ultimate frisbee games, golf outings, dragon boat racing, having gumption to go through a diet and actually wanting to do it again (props)

exposing oneself to more culture and the world: art museums, traveling, seeing different places, enjoying local hotspots, trying different cuisines

humanities, bettering your fellow man: volunteering, donating time or money, actually caring 

learning new skills/talents: motorcycle riding, bartending, lessons, mma/self defense, cooking

all these things we do and have a drive for and it makes me feel good to know that i keep good company. what we lack is apathy and complacency, and i love it 

bc as i move onto phase three, thats what i deal with on a day to day basis.

people no longer care, they no longer want to do something about it. they want somebody else to take care of their problems…well…that somebody else is me.

“Oh…im sorry sir that you cant control your 13yr old child bc you accused him of stealing money after he found a $20 bill in his pocket and he got mad. Sure let me, the police, do your parenting for you.”

Oh, you’re going through a divorce?, you come home drunk at 4am in the morning and he gets mad at you? he cut off your cell phone? get magic jack (I actually told her this…it was awesome)…you want me to solve your marital problems in one night?..sure i can do that…whats that? you fear for your life but you dont want to move out of the house? well….let me see what i can do for you….

please grow the proverbial pair and learn to deal with things yourselves…some people…

but luckily they are in the minority. but unfortunately i deal with them in the majority.

at least they keep my job intersting

i see many opportunities to better myself and become a better person, and im glad i surround myself with those that help and inspire me to do it.

make no mistake. And we are the ones who bump back…

i like to think that i make a difference, i like to think that i keep people safe. ill keep drunk drivers off the road to make sure they dont kill anyone or themselves. ill go around the neighborhoods at night making sure people stay safe and sound

since ive started nights ive been a harbinger of bad news

ive put people in jail, ive taken their freedom away, and nobody’s ever happy for some reason.

ive broken up a teenage party, im that guy, i sent them home made them call their parents to come and take them home, interesting part? the dad was there, 45, in a house full of 16-19 year olds, i didnt arrest him b/c his 16 year old was drunk and that would have been irresponsible of me to leave his son all alone. So i filed the case against him and they’ll come get him later.

i had to deliver a death notification the other night, a guys nephew passed away in a car accident in Missouri, its never easy, its always going to hurt me to see people in true pain, you can only do so much to confort them, you want to be there for them, you want to take their despair and help shoulder it, but you cant, you feel helpless, you can only stand there and then leave.

i feel as if im becoming cynical and im not sure i like that

life is important to me, and i believe to most people we are inexorably tied to our friends and family and we care abt them. Shes asks me why i carry a gun all the time. its because i dont expect things to go wrong, its that i want to be able to do something if it ever does. i dont want to stand there and be helpless when i do have the ability to stop whats happening. 

while going through the academy, i read an article that inspires me to do the best i can and to protect the ones i love: my friends and family.

Most of the people in our society are sheep. They are kind, gentle, productive creatures who can only hurt one another by accident.” This is true. Remember, the murder rate is six per 100,000 per year, and the aggravated assault rate is four per 1,000 per year. What this means is that the vast majority of Americans are not inclined to hurt one another.

Some estimates say that two million Americans are victims of violent crimes every year, a tragic, staggering number, perhaps an all-time record rate of violent crime. But there are almost 300 million Americans, which means that the odds of being a victim of violent crime is considerably less than one in a hundred on any given year. Furthermore, since many violent crimes are committed by repeat offenders, the actual number of violent citizens is considerably less than two million.

Thus there is a paradox, and we must grasp both ends of the situation: We may well be in the most violent times in history, but violence is still remarkably rare. This is because most citizens are kind, decent people who are not capable of hurting each other, except by accident or under extreme provocation. They are sheep.

I mean nothing negative by calling them sheep. To me it is like the pretty, blue robin’s egg. Inside it is soft and gooey but someday it will grow into something wonderful. But the egg cannot survive without its hard blue shell. Police officers, soldiers and other warriors are like that shell, and someday the civilization they protect will grow into something wonderful. For now, though, they need warriors to protect them from the predators.
“Then there are the wolves and the wolves feed on the sheep without mercy.” Do you believe there are wolves out there who will feed on the flock without mercy? You better believe it. There are evil men in this world and they are capable of evil deeds. The moment you forget that or pretend it is not so, you become a sheep. There is no safety in denial.

“Then there are sheepdogs,” he went on, “and I’m a sheepdog. I live to protect the flock and confront the wolf.” Or, as a sign in one California law enforcement agency put it, “We intimidate those who intimidate others.”

If you have no capacity for violence then you are a healthy productive citizen: a sheep. If you have a capacity for violence and no empathy for your fellow citizens, then you have defined an aggressive sociopath—a wolf. But what if you have a capacity for violence, and a deep love for your fellow citizens? Then you are a sheepdog, a warrior, someone who is walking the hero’s path. Someone who can walk into the heart of darkness, into the universal human phobia, and walk out unscathed.

i truly want the best for everyone, esp my friends and family, and i will do whatever it takes to keep them safe

thats what ive been told about this job, and so far its been holding true

im not going to lie, this is fun, i enjoy what i do for a living, not many people can say that about their jobs. I keep telling her that, but i dont think its getting through.

In my 12 days of working ive seen almost everything and yet i feel that theres even more to see.

from dingy apts that smell like cigarettes, that can only smell that way from months of smoking indoors, and look like it was used as an ashtray

to 2-3 million dollar houses/estates, decorated with exotic woods and marbles, art and furniture that cost more than cars, houses that i could never afford in my lifetime…(maybe one day)….

and yet at both of these places and more…i was there for domestic disturbances…so really…people of all socio-economic statuses have the same problem, or one could say that money doesnt buy happiness..

ive seen emotions from grief and dispair from a father that lost his son to suicide, to annoyance at me writing them a citation, anger for being determined at fault for a wreck they thought was the other persons fault. relief when i just give a verbal warning for some traffic violation. hatred/bitterness from a dispute involving ex/wife/husbands/boyfriends/girlfriends. helplessness when someone broke into his car for a second time.

surprisingly, or not…i havent seen joy…but then again…when we show up, its usually b/c theres a problem and we are the problem solvers.

the next three days mark the last of my 1st phase of training, there are 4, with the next 2 being on night shift, 6pm to 6am the next day, ive been told its a whole different animal and im inclined to agree.

im just thankful for the people close to me so i can stay grounded and have an avenue to relax and recharge before taking on the world again.